Interest

Recently, I've just acquired a new interest. Now I can truely claim I DO have a hobby. It is probably the result of being made to go to Church so many times. The new-found hobby is in reading criticisms. Yes, visiting websites (particularly Christian websites) that post endless articles that criticise the society, the world, the media, everything. How moral values are going downhill, how wicked can lawmakers get, how mercenary and uncaring people are becoming, how society isn't like how it used to be, how the world is gonna end, Sid Meier's Alpha Centauri style, how evil and insidious the media truely is. Truely amazing, amusing and quaint, actually. Yea, I may be slightly disturbed.

No offense to Christians here. I'm not a Christian, but I truely enjoy reading all those ceaseless complaints by all those people out there. These people really have to be getting "A"s for their GP! It fascinates me how some mundane events around the world transform into very real, alarming and dramatic phenomena. How do they do it? With those very real, alarming and dramatic statistics of course! Really, maybe I could use their help in my GP.

Of course, one must not neglect the LOCAL newspapers provide similar "entertainment" in the form of "fanmail". Eg. some time ago, "Breastfeeding > Milk Powder! The notion that milk powder is good for babies is wrong because breastfeeding is natural and rocks! The media shouldn't be making milk powder advertisements!"

Also, "I am truely dismayed that [X girl from Y Drama Series] would choose [P guy] over [Q guy]. I really think [Q guy] is cuter and 1000x better than [P guy]!"

Also, "The Singapore Government should enforce laws not to allow such outrageous events to take place! Such outrageous events are as wrongful and outrageous as a wrongful, outrageous can get! It truely outrages me!

And yea, the world is gonna end. Go board the next flight to Alpha Centauri, or something.

Retick

Finally I had to be reminded to update this blog. It's not that the past month or so is uneventful, but rather it is rather hefty, and thus the conditions of this blog.

First of all, as the follow-up to the previous post, I have completed the the Hordes of the Underdark, the 2nd expansion of Neverwinter Nights in no less than 300 saves. Most memorable of the saves is probably the one I have to reload to find out different True Names that actually CHANGE with each reload! But let's not talk about that, shall we? I am once again addicted to RPGs and the like after lending my Baldur's Gate 2 away. Ironic, no?

Next, my trip to Thailand. It would be my 4th trip to the "country of a thousand smiles". Though I don't really see that many smiles, I did encounter different "smells". Yea, smells. Fragrance or stench? From the smell of newmade leather to that of local delicacy, to that of squid that I didn't catch. As usual, trips from Singapore to Thailand are mostly "shopping trips". From the Suan Lum night market to Ma Bun Khrong Shopping Centre
to a snake research centre to a leather shop to a jewelry shop... It's kinda freaky. Of course, the extra bags I bought at Suan Lum became handy to hold the excess goods on our way back.

Next, the 04S33 class chalet... It truely tests the limits of a human body's tolerance for hunger, fatigue, etc. From erratic meals to late night (Or should I say early morning) games of Bridge, Playstation 2, etc to sleeping without blankets in a frigid air-conditioned room to stupid and exceedingly lame jokes to having a picture of me with Sleeping Buddha taken (except I wasn't in Thailand) to rooms with lights that don't work to bug infestation... Really. Of course the next few days after chalet I had to stay at home to "recover". It wasn't after those few days before I resumed my normal sleeping habits.

And of course the festive season and the time for slacking has officially arrived a long time ago! Naturally the "atmosphere" became less dense, my activities changed. Movies, LAN, etc. NOT homework, NOT mugging. Just plain slacking. And falling ill and taking weeks to recover. Argh.

This post is of course one which doesn't really fit into the context of this blog... This blog is not a diary to chronicle the events that happened of course. But whatever.

Nights

With 226 saves and countless hours of sweat, I've finally beaten the Game. Hurrah!

If?

What if you were one who does not remember any recent pleasurable memory? What if you were one who is forced down the path less travelled? What if you were one whose purpose is unclear? What if you were one who dreads the past, the present, the future? Would you wish you were someone else?

I'm one.

Disfunction

Maybe it's time to relieve a small of the inner tension that's beginning to build up within me. That's the whole purpose of having a not-so-secret diary that only so few people know of. Ironically it's so non-secret that I am still reluctant to type it here and definitely having difficulties phrasing it. Yes this blog is quite "hidden" as I haven't made known to any large extent the existence of it.

Ever since I could remember, I've been having some "fun" with my notorious smile and my "numerous relationships". Yes, the inescapable love of a skunk. I've been "suggesting" at every chance to a few unfortunate chosen "targets of my attention". Yes, I know they're pissed. But that's my perverted way of having fun. Too bad. Besides, it is a subtle hint, perhaps too obscure as no one has ever discovered its true meaning.

Yet, even though I do smile a ton, I just can't seem to smile sometimes. There's this "aura" that deprives me of rational thought. It's ironic that I've never smiled much or talked much "sometimes".

Why is it, I see so often yet never really grasp any opportunity? Why am I attracted and repelled at once? Maybe it's the associates--The bodyguards that I loathe but never mentioned it.

However, I only seek to express, not to impress. Ironically I can't express either. I'm gagged. So close yet so distant.

Even myself am confused at this random babbling of mine. It's wierd. When one can and does talk so much, suddenly becomes silent. When one can speak properly, starts to stammer. When a perfectly healthy individual starts to feel unwell. Why do all these seem to happen at once? What are the implications? My thoughts are too erratic.

Butterflies within

Project: Vaanavil
Task: Painting some flat yellow. Well it's not the task that's the true torture.

Why is it that every minute passes so slowly? Every awake, even sleeping mement is an emotional torture. The past haunts me at every opportunity.

Again I encountered something that hints me of my past. I hate to be reminded.

Niceties Aside

Beat it! This is my blog! I must overcome the wierd restraining tendency to be nice and friendly. Cuz I ain't. I can say whatever I damn please.

Ahh. The curtains finally fell after my promotional exams performance was revealed bit by bit. Not exactly the best results you can find, but at least it's acceptable. Besides, I got a few nifty surprises such as a 90.5% for Physics (3 sig fig). Such surprises don't come often. It kinda rocks to see my (non-) mugging pay off for that subject! It kinda blows to see my F Maths fail after so much mugging though... I guess everything has its ups and downs.

Well, for a moment of time, I actually scared myself that I might not be able to be promoted and keep all 4 "A" Levels subjects. Now I'm relieved of most fears. Main concern here how is to use my forte as a bargaining chip...

Now, don't follow me! Don't! For I hate you! No kidding! The sugary demeanor and concerned expression I had for you that I have was merely a SHELL! I don't give a damn about you! I can't wait for you to perish! Muahahaha! Vengeance is sweet.

Of course, I will still maintain that sugary sweetness in front of you so you wouldn't suspect a thing! Muahahaha! There's a dagger beneath my cloak!

Over

It's all over.

Exams are over. I can find time to blog again. Woohoo! The symbolic Black-and-White Blog will go on. (Symbolic, as in artistic, not lack of html scripting ability.)

HALO

I just watched "The Village", a story about preserving innocence. Yet, the story points to a cruel paradox: Within the Village, innocence is preserved through fear and deception. In an attempt to keep the Villagers "pure" of mind and living a simple life, the elders had to instigate fear.

Most of us like to live in an innocent world, without all the polluting and corrupting little things we do not like to mention. As we grow up, less and less of the innate innocence remains. It can be quite heart-rending, thus we try to convince ourselves that we are "pure" along with the world around us. Yet, the world is never pure. It never was. We fondly remember the "good old days" as "pure" only because we we're unaware of the complexities of a long-gone era. Or we have forgotten.

Sigh, try as I might, I cannot regain that childlike-innocence and ignorance. The people around me... I see dirtier colours with each passing day. The polluting influence is exposed. The worst irony is: People often feign innocence and ignorance. People do so to protect themselves from the corruption. They hide from it. I, too, instinctively try to hide from it.

Innocence and ignorance is synonymous with childishness and naivety. Yet sometimes it may offer temporary bliss. A makeshift shelter from the harsh world.

Ornithology

Went to the Kallang Stadium today to cheer for a losing (lost) cause... Obviously I couldn't resist the temptations of the whole bunch of yellow at the other end of the stadium... So I headed towards the VS lot. Met quit a few "long-lost" friends from VS and VJC. I was utterly amazed... Whilst the HCJC lot was nearly empty despite us being forced to attend the event, the VS and VJC lot were there without any "compulsory mandate" (well, the VS boys were "strongly encouraged" by our beloved discipline master...)and they did not flee when it rained (At least they came back after the rain stopped). Whereas the HCJC lot was diminishing with each passing shower...

Anyways, I managed to meet up with my friends whom have parted ways long ago. Love their cynical remarks as always. In fact, I enjoyed the snide remarks about HCJC from them... Ahhh. And the best part: I managed to join in their conversation and talk more than I did earlier that day!

Though I would not readily admit it, I feel that four years of education in VS has blended me in (quite) seemlessly with people there. Whilst we may toss inconsiderate remarks (actually some of us delight in making DELIBERATELY HURTFUL remarks and most of us are used to it.) we are still a tight lot. How I enjoyed racism when there were actually members of another race to mock at. What is it that pulled us together? By elimination, one must contend that it is the so-called "school culture" at work. Yes, the very school culture that so many adults disapprove of. The one where no one does his homework until the last minute, no one is actually entirely obedient, etc.

There's a saying "Birds of a feather flock together." Now it seems to me more like the reverse is true: "Birds who flock together become of one feather." Indeed, I am of a red and yellow plumage.

The Frontier

A simple life is a fallacy. An impossibility.

In reality, life is more complex and perplexing than one can imagine; it is perhaps the most intriguing thing. Of the billions of people out there, none of us can truely live "simple lives". Which is why simulations of life, or models to describe life, all fail terribly: They over-simplify things.

Of course, not many of us can deal with living a complex life hopelessly intertwined with unknowns and conundrums. Thus we create a "shell" to protect ourselves. To shield us from the harsh realities. It is not just ourselves: From birth, we are "shielded" from the perils by people around us. We live in a society that tries in every way to simplify things. We want to be innocent.

Yet the concepts that we were taught from young, the beliefs programmed into us, unfortunately ultimately lead to an inescapable paradox. Thus some people question the meaning of life. What is life? A drama with a cast too many and plots too complex for anyone to understand? Nothing can mirror life as entirely as itself.

Thus the society that we live in acts as a safety net. We feel secure in a seemingly calm environment. We are within the eye of the storm. Yet it isn't simple as such. Even society cannot escape the infernal paradox. Which is why society has to constantly purge itself of contradicting elements to retain its apparent simplicity. It is thus we have become intolerent and indifferent. We were moulded into "simple" individuals.

Looking beyond the illusions of calmness that society provides, we find ourselves staring into a hole of the safety net- into a bottomless abyss. The unfathomable depths of life can be quite overwhelming. Most people, fearful of the unknown, have avoided it, and have brainwashed themselves into thinking that life is simple.

Let it be known though: It is inevitable. We all get swept into the storm the day we are born. It is just that most of us just don't know, for the protective shield is too effective. Yet all of us are in the maelstrom nonetheless.

Wicked

Where do I stand in the axis of Good and Evil?

Or is there one in the first place?

Somehow, under certain circumstances, I am being led to question my role in life. Will I grow up to be a villian? I've always been drawn to the darker aspect of life: that of cruelty. no mercy.

It is perfectly normal to question the things in life; it's part of the process of adapting to our lives. However, I feel a certain something stirring deep within. It spawned a few ideologies and philosophies that seem destructive. Am I a villian, that is characterised by the extreme end of the Evil axis? Frightening. Am I destroying myself? Or is this a calling to the darker side of me? It beckons me.

What is my identity? My role in life? I do hope I am wrong, for the prospect that I am right is... unthinkable.

"The Nature of Balance"

Designing a competitive strategy game has always been my interest. Seeing so many unbalanced games out there, and hearing so many complaints of "imbalance", I decided to write this little theory of mine on the ground rules of balancing.

In an ideally balanced game, the following rules should be followed:

Alpha: Every player has an equal chance of winning.
This is probably the hardest to implement, but this is the premise that governs all strategy games. If one player is handicapped, it just wouldn't be fun.

Beta: Strategy is defined as the ability to predict and stop your opponents, as well as to defeat your opponent.
Nuff said about this one.

Gamma: One cannot lose right from the start.
This is pretty obvious. Who would play a game that, right from the beginning, whereby no player has demonstrated any form of strategy, one can lose to another. Thus if one player can execute any form of strategy that can doom another right from the start, regardless of what that player does, the game is definitely NOT balanced.

Delta: For any strategy that can cause another to lose, there must exist a counter to it, which will ALWAYS defeat it, and that counter must be viable, and not more difficult to execute.
This implies that for any strategy doable by a player, the opponent must be able to do a counter to it as easily as, if not more easily. For instance, if a player can execute a rush that can defeat his opponent, then his opponent must be able to prepare a defence to it before he loses. This also implies that the opponent must have the ability to counter any strategy he sees you executing, and also to counter any strategy that he has no way to see you preparing.

Epsilon: One must be able to predict your opponent's move in order to stop it.
This is based on the premise of Rule Delta, whereby you must be able to counter any strategy that you have seen. You must be able to detect at least to some extent what the enemy is doing, or else the game descends into plain old Rock Paper Scissors, whereby you merely have to "guess" what the enemy is doing and have no way of knowing what your opponent's move is before having to do the counter.

Zeta: One should have the ability to deceive one's opponent, or conceal one's strategy.
If everyone knows the other person's strategy right from the start, it wouldn't be fun. There must be the element of discovery and concealment.

Eta: One must have more than one viable way of winning at any time, unless one is "doomed to lose".
This is obvious. If there is only one viable way of winning, everyone would do that and little strategy is involved. Of course, it is possible to doom someone to defeat, like when you kill every one of your opponent's pieces except his/her king in a game of chess. But prior to that, your opponent must have numerous ways to defeat you and counter your move.

Theta: Strategy games must be fun.
This is probably most important. What use is playing a game that isn't fun?

There you have it. I'll probably add more of these important ground rules as I think of them or recall them. So many wonderful ideas come from showers.

Indefinites

Define the "Norm". What exactly separates the "Norm" from the "Exception"? Merely the difference in frequency? Or is it something more? Something abstract and indescribable? How, then, can we discern the exception from the crowd? Who is the crowd anyways? The result of such a relevation: it is impossible to draw the line anywhere. When you draw a circle, how do you know if something is within the circle or actually outside of it? It may not be as simple as it seems.

Look Closer. Even the "simple" explanation that the difference in frequency separates the norm from the exception can be unsettling: How do we, as individuals, truely know the frequencies of occurance of things we have not fully understood? Ah... Don't be too hasty in judging your surroundings...

Alien Hand Syndrome

Sometimes, the individual seems to be in conflict with himself or herself. On the one hand (my left hand, literally), I'm holding a pen (or pencil), trying to do some schoolwork in a desperate attempt to save my (dismal) school grades. On the other hand, my right hand can't resist placing itself on the mouse of my computer and happily clicking away, trying to program the perfect A.I. for the boss my in Warcraft 3 map. Much as my left hand tries to pull my right hand away from the mouse, my right hand resists in every way it can.

Far too often, we find ourselves in conflict with ourselves. A frightening prospect indeed. You may think it's simple to just "follow the heart", but even the heart has two sides that don't have the same beat. The pedicaments in life extend beyond left/right hand disagreements. Sometimes the choice is seemingly obvious, but at close inspection, the issue would appear to be more complex than first imagined.

Recuperations...

Some patching up to do. Some stuff cannot be said in a single post (the previous post). Block Tests are nearly over (Note: NEARLY and not ALREADY. Why am I still here? Gosh. I am sinking deeper into quicksand.)

My desperate attempts at saving myself from myself have proven futile. The opportunity presented to me turned out to be wisps of smoke. An illusion. And I've recently discovered that all my efforts to change the cold surroundings have been in vain. Yet, I am no longer afraid. Perhaps the blows have come too often to have formed calluses. At least I have a calmer mind now. Inner peace.

I've just realised my wild emotional rides when viewing this blog. Ahh... How I long to savour happiness again... I tried squeezing my surroundings for the last vestiges of happiness, but the well runs dry... Or perhaps happiness comes from within?

REBOOT:

Dragging this old fella along. Apparently my rampaging internal turmoil has taken a colder, calmer shape. Thus the return to this blog. Ahhh, what are the advantages and disadvantages of having online diaries? Hmm? I know of impending calamity, but was half-expecting it throughout the holidays. After a humiliating defeat, I realise I was over-confident. I'm now in the process of reconfiguring myself once again. (The human is indeed quick to adapt, though "adapt" may seem an imappropriate word.)

Thus I am cast back into the game. Watching. The powers of observation, yes?

Busy right now, so gotta end this entry soon. Don't forget to mention the power blackout today that offered a nice break from too much mugging.

P.S. See BOOT: (though nothing much to do with this post=)

Confrontation

I just realised how vulnerable I am. What a profound impact the outside world has on me! Ever since I snapped, I have transformed. I sensed a shift in personality. I was once shy, secretive, and tried to be as nice as I can to everybody. Somehow, things changed. I feel the emergence of the menacing side of me. My raw emotions are slowly beginning to surface. I begin to feel hatred. I cannot control myself. It is true I disliked alot of things, many people in the past. But never have I felt true hatred for them. (Okay, maybe I have before) But to let my dislike for certain people and things show so openly is not what I have done (often) in the past. I tended to conceal my emotions.

Yet now, after all the disrespect and disregard I get, I snap. It's NOT just me, but others who also suffered in silence. I'll have to confront with what all I have harbored within for so long. An explosion.

It's true that I do not have many friends. That may be due to the fact that I am slow to make friends. Then again I am slower to forget them. The polar opposite is also true: I am slow to hate, but even slower to forget hatred. For what seemed like an eternity I have waged an inner conflict within myself. Yet it is not something within me that pushed me to the limits.

IT IS TRUE! I AM AT THE EDGE OF A CLIFF! DON'T PUSH ME FURTHER! (Of course, people don't listen, they never do. What I speak here is not for them to hear anyways.) It's a vicious cycle of its kind.

The Wait...

Why do I even BOTHER returning to type stuff in here?

Ignorance is bliss. Life really sucks. When people can seemingly be oblivious to the sufferings of life and comfort themselves, I, unfortunately, am held wide awake. Pitiful me. Even when school closes for a nice long break, life still sucks. I still have endless worries that I cannot turn a blind eye towards. Seems like I am entering a stage in life of worries and misery.

What, then, keeps me living this seemingly cruel existence? What keeps me from wanting to run away from it all? Sometimes, I really don't know. Whilst one may cheer up easily, saying, life has been better than what it was long ago, and will take a turn for the better. The darkest hour is before dawn, eh? One CANNOT simplify life to be of a cyclical nature like the day/night cycle. It is infinitely complex, and there can be no end to misery.

Some may pity me, some may envy me, saying, you are already living such a good life! Think about all those poor innocent souls who live and die just like that! They never got a chance to live a life like yours. In truth, I'm not living a good life. At least they get to be ignorant all this while. And ignorance is bliss. Not a soul is living a good life. Trust me on this. When you envy someone for how good life is for him or her, you have not seen the entire situation. Everyone has worries. Everyone suffers.

The truth is I am utterly and completely lazy, bad-tempered, ill-nurtured, greedy and fail at some things in life. That is my character; it defines me. And I have few friends. Thus I am pitiful. But so? I guess my "domain" is simply not here... Don't I always feel I belong somewhere else?

What, then, keeps people living "this life"? Some may say it's primal instinct, which allows them to be oblivious to their worries. Me? Unfortunately, sometimes I try, but worries keep on coming and compounding. I am at my wit's end, and the only thing that keeps me from breaking down is that I know that I face not a limitation in space, but rather a limitation in time. My place belongs to the future, and so does my life. And I merely have to wait. And a long time I have to. But waiting is never easy.

Some may say I am delusional, but hey! Who knows anything for certain? Why feel too hopeful or hopeless? Hope is but a primal instinct. Ignorance is bliss. It always is. Not "foolishness" or anything, just not knowing, or turning a blind eye to, or simplifying, the harsh complexities of life. Many people get to be ignorant. But my eyes are forced open. How I long for simplicity!

Iris...

I snap. I can tolerate no longer.

To hell with all that patience, all that waiting for that change that didn't arrive. I lose my cool. I am tired of all this hypocrisy, all this arrogance, all this indifference, all this ignorance. This is the final straw, to pay no heed to all my warnings. I shall unleash what was hidden within...

The blind will learn... to see...

Even the toughest camel can break its back.

Limbo...

Finally resumed blogging... Blogging is one of the lowest on the "to do" list right now. Life last week was hectic and frentic, like your head constantly being submerged in the water... You hardly have any free time to catch your breath. (Reminds me of some torture method... poor soul...) Anyways, too many things happening too fast. It is but a continuum of events deviced to wear you out thoroughly, like a pair of old sneakers... Concert practice, concert practice, concert practice, re-doing of project work proposal, drama practice for extras, lecture test, Nafta test, homework, concert practice again... Not to mention what happens NEXT WEEK, the REAL concert performance...

Seriously, I've had this lethargic attitude towards life for as long as I can remember, it has caused me few troubles along the way of course, but never of such a magnitude. I may have to rewire myself.

There were short moments where one can breathe though, and breathe new life one does:
VJC Carnival last saturday: Really fun, really lame, met a few "long lost" friends... Even some not from VJC... My primary school nemesis and friend (single entity, Raymond Ong remember me?), really good friend in secondary school (Nicholas and friends), plus really good friend in HCJC first three months (Terence Kooi and friends). I'm beginning to miss you all again...

Post Nafta test/ Chemistry SPA Practical Assessment Elation: Feeling really high after the initial worries wore away... Came out of the Chemistry Lab feeling worried (Damn Mdm Ching caught me with residual crystals in the weighing bottle!) but the tension was finally gone... Nafta test too... Found never-before-seen strength from a feeling of weakness before the test... (Woah did I manage to do THAT?!) I had (notice the tense) been in bad shape ever since I could remember... Seems like I have very bad memories... In the end, it is the easing of tension that's most important.

Of course, some people don't consider such things Hell, but then again, my mileage may vary and so may yours. I get serious allergic reactions to stress that leaves my body totally ENERVATED and barely clinging to the threads of life... But the unwinding of tension after all that activity almost makes Hell worthy to visit.

Impending Apocalypse

Next week is the time doom converges on me. Maths Test, Physics Test, Chemistry Test, GP Essay Assignment, Chinese Essay writing, Nafta Test and Chemistry Tutorials are to be checked. Not to mention Project Work, and GP Group Presentation. People are gonna find out I've been skivving all this while.

The week is so happening! No? I'm gonna be in HELL. Haven't touched on a single subject, been sleeping in Physics lessons all this while, have done less than 50% of Maths tutorials, haven't done a single Chemistry tutorial. Haven't wrote an essay in English in weeks, haven't wrote an essay in Chinese in months. (it's a miracle I can still read and write Chinese.) Have been unenthusiastic at best about Project Work and GP Group Presentation. And only recently have I discovered how unfit I am.

Well, well, I guess some bad habits from secondary school don't change. My doom awaits.

Lost

Lost, I am. I see emptiness. A bottomless abyss. Yet I see a faint glimmer of hope. Light at the end of a tunnel.

The perfect opportunity, or an unattainable goal? Only by trying can I find out.

Sometimes, the heart tells you to go somewhere you haven't gone, to step out into the unknown. This is the test of your determination and courage. Why do I constantly feel life is like a downward escalator on which I must climb up? I must have the courage to ascend to the top. It beckons. I must negotiate the invisible obstacles that stand in my way. Or perish in the attempt.

Under Construction...

This site, as anyone could probably tell, is under construction. Actually, construction never finishes on good websites, no?

This time, I made a few tweaks here and there, using my (limited) html skills. I just recently learnt how to make a link I want. (Yes, mock at me if you want, but remember everyone was once a newbie to everything) Thus the links are up! Some lead to very nice blogs, some lead to blogs under construction (like mine), whose owner is learning the ropes along the way (like me). Hopefully the domain of the TiCK will be more exposed to the outside world. (My friend still doesn't know how to link, therefore, as of now, the link to his blog is only one-way.)

That's when the need to polish my blog comes! After all, there's no need to introduce myself to myself, to write nice stuff for myself to admire. Cavemen were very bored until they discovered other caves with other cavemen living in them. Soon, many caves will emerge, and the landscape will look like swiss cheese. And I get to say "Hi!" to every caveman and women.

My horrible mood lifted a little today, even when today is like "the entire world is totally against me", almost nothing is right. I'm happier, and that's all that matters.

HOT!

Again, one of those days where everything seems worse than usual. Mother sounds naggier than usual, everything seems more unresponsive, bus comes later than usual, and worst of all, the TERRIBLE WEATHER! I don't understand why people like the sun so much... But the weather nowadays is atrocious... Freaking hot accompanied by oh-so-lovely humidity just to ensure you are sweaty and sticky throughout the day, with a layer of water vapour surrounding you as if you are in a sauna. I know April is the beginning of the hot and dry season, but THIS kind of weather is a natural calamity! How I fondly remember the good old days last year when most of this dire period was spent indoors due to closure of schools. I had no idea this hell existed outdoors all this while in the comforts of my 24-hr-a-day air-conditioned room... Yea I'm not an outdoor kind of guy, especially in this weather.

Dearth of Blogging

Really busy right now... Now that ALL my free days are eaten up by chinese lessons... Except Sundays. But one has to play on Sundays, no? Besides, the never-ending pile of homework looms ever so menacingly... I'm seriously way behind. School life really sucks. It is only in this (slightly) longer weekend that I find time for enjoyment, and thus I haven't been blogging lately. But I'm not gonna let this go... not now... not yet... Therefore this blog won't be as active as before I believe, now that school life is stepping up a gear. Oh well, back to doing homework...

Skoolz

Today was rather "slack" First, council elections replaced most of the lessons in the morning, and I was sitting at the back the whole while watching and playing chess. When the time to vote came, my brain was still in chess mode, and was given about three seconds to think who to vote... Come to think about it, I didn't really vote as I had intended to, and not too wisely, either, as my votes were determined by the individual candidate's "sincerity", and "willingness to serve the school". I shall not elaborate on the terms in inverted commas here =) Actually, I was thinking... There's this candidate I voted for whom didn't express his "sincerity" that well... But it's okay. Given the opportunity, I believe most people have the potential to perform in what they are commited at. But on the fundamental basis, personality counts the most. And I can no longer tolerate the attitude of some prefects the last time round. (I'm not pointing fingers at any individual...)

Enough of this council nonsense... Does anyone really believe the Student's Council has the power to drastically improve our lives at school?! Looking at the prefects back in secondary school and primary school, I highly doubt so... Not that I have anything against prefects... The Student's Council just does what it is meant to do, nothing more. But... That explains why I was more involved in chess games than what the council nominees say during the elections. Then after that came a massive two-hour break, which I obviously did not intend to spend in the school canteen (the canteen food just sucks). An advantage of being in HCJC is the adjacent Chinese High School, and since one can travel from one campus to another, it is relatively easy to sneak out of one of the gates without bumping into meddlesome people. (Actually, I didn't expect the teachers of the Chinese High School to be so docile and harmless... It turned out that one cannot generalise. Some people are bound to trigger alarms and all that, totally bent on ruining everybody's day.) Thus, a group of us walked out and treated ourselves to a much nicer meal (It turned out to be more groups than I had anticipated).

On the whole, today was rather "slack" as most of the day's lessons were "eaten up"... Why, then, is my mood still so foul? Doesn't life just suck sometimes and you can't explain it? I really need time to "unwind"... I hope this "foul streak" doesn't continue to my birthday, which is a little too soon...

The Colour of the Flowers...

Today is cursed! Almost NOTHING went right for me, and nearly EVERYTHING screws up... I'm so vexed now... Tomorrow is April Fool's Day. You have been forewarned...

Anyways today is the day we bought our new uniforms. There seems to be something wrong with the tailor's measuring tape though. Nearly everybody got very loose pants. Systematic error at work here? My uniform is, of course, not spared (read above). Now I'm faced with a tough choice of whether to change it to a size smaller...

At Guitar, I fumbled, as usual... I can't even read the scores, and instead had to rely on abstract methods to obtain the tune of the song...

Talk about a cursed day indeed! Sick, head spinning, fumbling, having no idea what is going on... I can only look at the sky and ask "why?" (And hope birds don't fly over me and do their business.)

One Sheep, Two Sheep...

Tip: Never drink caffeinated drinks at 1.30 am. Unless you are mugging, in which case you have no life. Admittedly I lose my life sometimes, but I NEVER burn the midnight oil JUST to revise. I am definitely neither mugging nor doing anything meaningful now. So why did I have that forbidden sip of goodness? Because it runs down my sore throat and makes it worse? Or because I'm just too lazy to go out and get a glass of water myself? Either ways, I am paying dearly. How obtuse can I get sometimes! It's almost 2 am the last time I checked, and I'm still wide awake as ever. Just a sip of poison kills.

Bleh

Really sick this time... My throat hurts. Fortunately you don't have to speak to blog. The blog template is changed a little... due to a little... mishap. My template was replaced with an inferior default one due to my misclicks. (Don't hastily save your changes or change templates, Blogger has a nasty habbit of eating away your previous blog template and replacing it with their own if you do so.) I'm in luck: I had made a backup not too long ago so that I could restore the site (almost) its original look. Added a few bells and whistles here and there, refined some things. Minor quirk though, the blog doesn't show up the same on Previews as the real thing, even if you have saved and republished... That means I have to keep saving and republishing... A dangerous course, but do I have a choice? It's so late, and my throat is burning worse than ever. I gotta sleep soon. Signing off.

CRASH!!!

Today is half-day off. Of course, a half-day off isn't really enough, is it? So, of course, some of us sneaked out. Ha! Wouldn't have time to do what was originally intended otherwise--to pay a visit to the jc by the sea! Not bad, VJC is. Hope those who went over would enjoy their stay there. Of course, the TiCK is always watching.

Half and a quarter...

Tomorrow's half day off. If you call school ending at 12pm a half day off. More like a one-quarter day off. I'm so gonna make use of it! I'm prepared to embark on a pilgrimage right after school...

Headache, Heartache.

Reality hurts. Really. What was once a small, complete, happy family has been devoured of many of its members. Such cold acts of cruelty have utterly obliterated any sense of joy, any comfort, any false hope from the survivors. Partings are never easy. I'm refering to my 3 month old class... and our little faculty of double maths... It torments each of us with anguish with every person that did not make it. There is a shimmer of hope that some will eventually climb out of the belly of the cold monster that took them away, but the chances of all of them successfully making it are minimal. T'is sad, no? And to so brutally rip us apart... It's like us into a paper shredder. Worst of all, the timing of such events couldn't be better? Right after the holidays?! It's like slapping your cake in your face! Perhaps this is what's causing this splitting headache (and heartache) that I have now.

Dormancy

You have NOT seen the last of the Tick. Haven't been blogging lately, due to some matters of the heart... Really moody nowadays... Yet the Tick has mustered enough strength to make this post... This blog will go on.

Imperfections

Ah I have removed the one last disturbing image on my blog. The remaining distasteful design that does not conform to the highest standards of fine artistic taste. Behold-(nothing left to see, actually) the absense of the crude monstrosity that is the Blogger logo! The presence of a logo doesn't annoy me though. It was the design (apparently made to stand out like an orange ugly duckling in an otherwise serene flock of white swans just to draw unnecessary attention to it.) that totally put me off. Oh please! Only people utterly devoid of artistic talent would draw and display such a logo. It's a pity, though, I still see the blocky orange design as I write this post. That is a blemish I can never remove.

Okay, enough of me trying to justify my non-conformity to the rules. (I do run a risk of getting this blog removed... but who cares? Like a kid making a sand castle before the tides come in, I'm just having fun, ain't I?) In actual fact, I'm keeping tabs on my progress of learning html scripting (and deleting), and thus, sometimes cannot resist the urge to make such shameless boasts about my (newbish at best) html scripting skills. The elation that comes after untying a hopeless knot is just too great.

(Btw, for those wondering, it isn't hard to remove the Blogger logo. It has a tag saying, "In accordance to the Blogger terms of service, please leave this button somewhere on your blogger-powered page." In actual fact, it's just like screaming "delete me plz!" over it. So there.)

Facing Deletion...

In keeping my stance to violate every single rule possible that I find unworthy, I have pulled off a series of stunts and tricks! Be amazed (or disappointed) that you see the Vanishing Adverts Act. No, no, I don't pay for the blog's services, and yes, the horrific deed profanes and defies the very laws of nature, upsetting the delicate balance of nature, causing mass extinction of... okay, it only violates the Terms of Service, but who cares? Down with the rules, to hell with all warnings!

Remember, the very trick pulled off in front of your eyes is performed by a newbie html scriptor. It involves no illusions, camera tricks or whatsoever. It is very dangerous and should not be tried at home.

First Touch

I hate orange! Get that gayness off my blog!
Editing your template, to a complete HTML newbie, is like cutting the wires of a bomb you've never seen before. One mistake, and your blog gets screwed. Ugh the frustration! The despair! I've pulled out turfs of hair (not that I have that much hair) trying DESPERATELY to untangle the mess. So far I've managed to change the colours, and figured out vaguely (at least) which colour goes where.
If I can carry on figuring out which goes where, (hopefully) the blog will be nice and pretty. (Assuming I won't be driven bonkers by it first.)

BOOT:

Hey! My first post. First Blog. First webpage. There's gotta be a first-time to everything! Don't know much about this yet, still learning the ropes along the way...

And so it has begun...