If?

What if you were one who does not remember any recent pleasurable memory? What if you were one who is forced down the path less travelled? What if you were one whose purpose is unclear? What if you were one who dreads the past, the present, the future? Would you wish you were someone else?

I'm one.

Disfunction

Maybe it's time to relieve a small of the inner tension that's beginning to build up within me. That's the whole purpose of having a not-so-secret diary that only so few people know of. Ironically it's so non-secret that I am still reluctant to type it here and definitely having difficulties phrasing it. Yes this blog is quite "hidden" as I haven't made known to any large extent the existence of it.

Ever since I could remember, I've been having some "fun" with my notorious smile and my "numerous relationships". Yes, the inescapable love of a skunk. I've been "suggesting" at every chance to a few unfortunate chosen "targets of my attention". Yes, I know they're pissed. But that's my perverted way of having fun. Too bad. Besides, it is a subtle hint, perhaps too obscure as no one has ever discovered its true meaning.

Yet, even though I do smile a ton, I just can't seem to smile sometimes. There's this "aura" that deprives me of rational thought. It's ironic that I've never smiled much or talked much "sometimes".

Why is it, I see so often yet never really grasp any opportunity? Why am I attracted and repelled at once? Maybe it's the associates--The bodyguards that I loathe but never mentioned it.

However, I only seek to express, not to impress. Ironically I can't express either. I'm gagged. So close yet so distant.

Even myself am confused at this random babbling of mine. It's wierd. When one can and does talk so much, suddenly becomes silent. When one can speak properly, starts to stammer. When a perfectly healthy individual starts to feel unwell. Why do all these seem to happen at once? What are the implications? My thoughts are too erratic.

Butterflies within

Project: Vaanavil
Task: Painting some flat yellow. Well it's not the task that's the true torture.

Why is it that every minute passes so slowly? Every awake, even sleeping mement is an emotional torture. The past haunts me at every opportunity.

Again I encountered something that hints me of my past. I hate to be reminded.

Niceties Aside

Beat it! This is my blog! I must overcome the wierd restraining tendency to be nice and friendly. Cuz I ain't. I can say whatever I damn please.

Ahh. The curtains finally fell after my promotional exams performance was revealed bit by bit. Not exactly the best results you can find, but at least it's acceptable. Besides, I got a few nifty surprises such as a 90.5% for Physics (3 sig fig). Such surprises don't come often. It kinda rocks to see my (non-) mugging pay off for that subject! It kinda blows to see my F Maths fail after so much mugging though... I guess everything has its ups and downs.

Well, for a moment of time, I actually scared myself that I might not be able to be promoted and keep all 4 "A" Levels subjects. Now I'm relieved of most fears. Main concern here how is to use my forte as a bargaining chip...

Now, don't follow me! Don't! For I hate you! No kidding! The sugary demeanor and concerned expression I had for you that I have was merely a SHELL! I don't give a damn about you! I can't wait for you to perish! Muahahaha! Vengeance is sweet.

Of course, I will still maintain that sugary sweetness in front of you so you wouldn't suspect a thing! Muahahaha! There's a dagger beneath my cloak!

Over

It's all over.

Exams are over. I can find time to blog again. Woohoo! The symbolic Black-and-White Blog will go on. (Symbolic, as in artistic, not lack of html scripting ability.)