Ornithology

Went to the Kallang Stadium today to cheer for a losing (lost) cause... Obviously I couldn't resist the temptations of the whole bunch of yellow at the other end of the stadium... So I headed towards the VS lot. Met quit a few "long-lost" friends from VS and VJC. I was utterly amazed... Whilst the HCJC lot was nearly empty despite us being forced to attend the event, the VS and VJC lot were there without any "compulsory mandate" (well, the VS boys were "strongly encouraged" by our beloved discipline master...)and they did not flee when it rained (At least they came back after the rain stopped). Whereas the HCJC lot was diminishing with each passing shower...

Anyways, I managed to meet up with my friends whom have parted ways long ago. Love their cynical remarks as always. In fact, I enjoyed the snide remarks about HCJC from them... Ahhh. And the best part: I managed to join in their conversation and talk more than I did earlier that day!

Though I would not readily admit it, I feel that four years of education in VS has blended me in (quite) seemlessly with people there. Whilst we may toss inconsiderate remarks (actually some of us delight in making DELIBERATELY HURTFUL remarks and most of us are used to it.) we are still a tight lot. How I enjoyed racism when there were actually members of another race to mock at. What is it that pulled us together? By elimination, one must contend that it is the so-called "school culture" at work. Yes, the very school culture that so many adults disapprove of. The one where no one does his homework until the last minute, no one is actually entirely obedient, etc.

There's a saying "Birds of a feather flock together." Now it seems to me more like the reverse is true: "Birds who flock together become of one feather." Indeed, I am of a red and yellow plumage.

The Frontier

A simple life is a fallacy. An impossibility.

In reality, life is more complex and perplexing than one can imagine; it is perhaps the most intriguing thing. Of the billions of people out there, none of us can truely live "simple lives". Which is why simulations of life, or models to describe life, all fail terribly: They over-simplify things.

Of course, not many of us can deal with living a complex life hopelessly intertwined with unknowns and conundrums. Thus we create a "shell" to protect ourselves. To shield us from the harsh realities. It is not just ourselves: From birth, we are "shielded" from the perils by people around us. We live in a society that tries in every way to simplify things. We want to be innocent.

Yet the concepts that we were taught from young, the beliefs programmed into us, unfortunately ultimately lead to an inescapable paradox. Thus some people question the meaning of life. What is life? A drama with a cast too many and plots too complex for anyone to understand? Nothing can mirror life as entirely as itself.

Thus the society that we live in acts as a safety net. We feel secure in a seemingly calm environment. We are within the eye of the storm. Yet it isn't simple as such. Even society cannot escape the infernal paradox. Which is why society has to constantly purge itself of contradicting elements to retain its apparent simplicity. It is thus we have become intolerent and indifferent. We were moulded into "simple" individuals.

Looking beyond the illusions of calmness that society provides, we find ourselves staring into a hole of the safety net- into a bottomless abyss. The unfathomable depths of life can be quite overwhelming. Most people, fearful of the unknown, have avoided it, and have brainwashed themselves into thinking that life is simple.

Let it be known though: It is inevitable. We all get swept into the storm the day we are born. It is just that most of us just don't know, for the protective shield is too effective. Yet all of us are in the maelstrom nonetheless.

Wicked

Where do I stand in the axis of Good and Evil?

Or is there one in the first place?

Somehow, under certain circumstances, I am being led to question my role in life. Will I grow up to be a villian? I've always been drawn to the darker aspect of life: that of cruelty. no mercy.

It is perfectly normal to question the things in life; it's part of the process of adapting to our lives. However, I feel a certain something stirring deep within. It spawned a few ideologies and philosophies that seem destructive. Am I a villian, that is characterised by the extreme end of the Evil axis? Frightening. Am I destroying myself? Or is this a calling to the darker side of me? It beckons me.

What is my identity? My role in life? I do hope I am wrong, for the prospect that I am right is... unthinkable.

"The Nature of Balance"

Designing a competitive strategy game has always been my interest. Seeing so many unbalanced games out there, and hearing so many complaints of "imbalance", I decided to write this little theory of mine on the ground rules of balancing.

In an ideally balanced game, the following rules should be followed:

Alpha: Every player has an equal chance of winning.
This is probably the hardest to implement, but this is the premise that governs all strategy games. If one player is handicapped, it just wouldn't be fun.

Beta: Strategy is defined as the ability to predict and stop your opponents, as well as to defeat your opponent.
Nuff said about this one.

Gamma: One cannot lose right from the start.
This is pretty obvious. Who would play a game that, right from the beginning, whereby no player has demonstrated any form of strategy, one can lose to another. Thus if one player can execute any form of strategy that can doom another right from the start, regardless of what that player does, the game is definitely NOT balanced.

Delta: For any strategy that can cause another to lose, there must exist a counter to it, which will ALWAYS defeat it, and that counter must be viable, and not more difficult to execute.
This implies that for any strategy doable by a player, the opponent must be able to do a counter to it as easily as, if not more easily. For instance, if a player can execute a rush that can defeat his opponent, then his opponent must be able to prepare a defence to it before he loses. This also implies that the opponent must have the ability to counter any strategy he sees you executing, and also to counter any strategy that he has no way to see you preparing.

Epsilon: One must be able to predict your opponent's move in order to stop it.
This is based on the premise of Rule Delta, whereby you must be able to counter any strategy that you have seen. You must be able to detect at least to some extent what the enemy is doing, or else the game descends into plain old Rock Paper Scissors, whereby you merely have to "guess" what the enemy is doing and have no way of knowing what your opponent's move is before having to do the counter.

Zeta: One should have the ability to deceive one's opponent, or conceal one's strategy.
If everyone knows the other person's strategy right from the start, it wouldn't be fun. There must be the element of discovery and concealment.

Eta: One must have more than one viable way of winning at any time, unless one is "doomed to lose".
This is obvious. If there is only one viable way of winning, everyone would do that and little strategy is involved. Of course, it is possible to doom someone to defeat, like when you kill every one of your opponent's pieces except his/her king in a game of chess. But prior to that, your opponent must have numerous ways to defeat you and counter your move.

Theta: Strategy games must be fun.
This is probably most important. What use is playing a game that isn't fun?

There you have it. I'll probably add more of these important ground rules as I think of them or recall them. So many wonderful ideas come from showers.

Indefinites

Define the "Norm". What exactly separates the "Norm" from the "Exception"? Merely the difference in frequency? Or is it something more? Something abstract and indescribable? How, then, can we discern the exception from the crowd? Who is the crowd anyways? The result of such a relevation: it is impossible to draw the line anywhere. When you draw a circle, how do you know if something is within the circle or actually outside of it? It may not be as simple as it seems.

Look Closer. Even the "simple" explanation that the difference in frequency separates the norm from the exception can be unsettling: How do we, as individuals, truely know the frequencies of occurance of things we have not fully understood? Ah... Don't be too hasty in judging your surroundings...

Alien Hand Syndrome

Sometimes, the individual seems to be in conflict with himself or herself. On the one hand (my left hand, literally), I'm holding a pen (or pencil), trying to do some schoolwork in a desperate attempt to save my (dismal) school grades. On the other hand, my right hand can't resist placing itself on the mouse of my computer and happily clicking away, trying to program the perfect A.I. for the boss my in Warcraft 3 map. Much as my left hand tries to pull my right hand away from the mouse, my right hand resists in every way it can.

Far too often, we find ourselves in conflict with ourselves. A frightening prospect indeed. You may think it's simple to just "follow the heart", but even the heart has two sides that don't have the same beat. The pedicaments in life extend beyond left/right hand disagreements. Sometimes the choice is seemingly obvious, but at close inspection, the issue would appear to be more complex than first imagined.

Recuperations...

Some patching up to do. Some stuff cannot be said in a single post (the previous post). Block Tests are nearly over (Note: NEARLY and not ALREADY. Why am I still here? Gosh. I am sinking deeper into quicksand.)

My desperate attempts at saving myself from myself have proven futile. The opportunity presented to me turned out to be wisps of smoke. An illusion. And I've recently discovered that all my efforts to change the cold surroundings have been in vain. Yet, I am no longer afraid. Perhaps the blows have come too often to have formed calluses. At least I have a calmer mind now. Inner peace.

I've just realised my wild emotional rides when viewing this blog. Ahh... How I long to savour happiness again... I tried squeezing my surroundings for the last vestiges of happiness, but the well runs dry... Or perhaps happiness comes from within?