Scramble

I've anticipated this sort of things to happen when I opened my blog's borders:

Tagged!
Rules:

1. Post 5 weird/random stuff about yourself.

2. At the end, list the names of 5 people whom you want next to do this, and leave a comment "YOU ARE TAGGED!" in their blog and tell them to read your blog for rules. So here goes...

I think this is lame but I'll play on...

1) Perhaps I should reveal a few secrets about this blog. My posts are often subtle and indirect, sometimes appearing utterly meaningless. So here are my explanations:

Of the posts that seem to be random gibberish,
One or more post(s) is about love.
One or more post(s) is about hate.
One or more post(s) is about secrets.
One or more post(s) is about my worst fears.

And I tend to leave subtle indications about who/what I was refering to (often in the title). My blog can get philosophical at times, because I tend to think and question a lot, sometimes meaninglessly, often about existence, purpose and ethics.

2) I consider myself somewhat of a villian's personality: I prefer power to fame and fortune; I prefer torture to a swift kill; I prefer pessimism to optimism; I prefer conflict to peace; I get jealous very easily; I tend to admire "villians" more than many "heroes" whom I think are hypocrites. I got a little disappointed reading about Adolf Hitler's defeat in WWII. Not that I actually condone his atrocities, but mostly due to a waste of valuable wartime resources and manpower, and not the morality of them.

3) I keep thinking I could have done much more with my life. For example, I could have become someone way better in academics, more popular, more athletic, or more talented than I am now. I could have been a "role model" to most people except myself. Yet somehow I feel I have stumbled my way into my present life in a way that I will regret otherwise. Thus I am able to cope with my regrets, knowing that my life is not about being a "role model" to others; it's about staying true to myself. I have not yet understood my role in this world, but I think someday I will. Perhaps that explains my laziness and carefree attitude. Because I can't be bothered about my future.

4) I always get the feeling I'm not a "normal" person, I keep thinking I am fundamentally different, VERY absurdly different, although not necessarily in a good way. Thus most of the time I yearn to conform rather than to be different. Everybody wants to be different; everybody except me. Somehow I know I will not succeed...

5) I tend to be antisocial because I seem to have no desire for socialising. I am VERY slow to make friends and have no qualms about making enemies. I respond awkwardly to niceties, especially if they're not from friends (by this I refer to my definition of friends, which are long and ardous to be). Loneliness is far more tolerable if people are mean to me. If I make friends very hastily, it probably isn't true anyway. I am so "impaired" socially that I think I have psuedo-autistic tendencies. I was once very frightened when I read a pamplet about autism. It described that autistic children are fascinated by rotating objects, and I was once FASCINATED BY FANS!!! You know the way the fanblades and the casing interact to form a dazzling optical illusion of moving spirals? I was totally obsessed by them when I was young. Freaky. Other weird obsessions include accelerating bicycle wheels, which somehow "froze" at particular frequencies. I have yet to be able explain this phenomenon, unless my eyes are cameras with a fixed frame rate. More freaky.

So there, five weird/random facts about me that are NOT about favourite colours or ice cream flavours. As of I have not yet decided who to "tag" because this is so lame...